In a lost but found year,.. I’ve learned that it’s the times in life when you question yourself.. everything about who you are… that you can see who you are and who you aren’t. That every person, every moment, that you’ve experienced so far,.. has built you to the person you are today or you aren’t today. But that the one common thread above all else, is how you handled it all along the way. In a life where so few things are guaranteed,… the only one we control we often don’t recognize we have.
Choice. The choice to believe that it’s all for the good or that it’s not.
In a season of thanksgiving I find the days as reels of reflection. That none of it was wrong. That things didn’t happen to me, yet happened for me. The conflicted soul inside of me feeling called in a way that intimidates me to the core. The constant of it. Always knocking. Always tapping the watch. Waiting.
And as the days seem to blur away, the haze of reality seems to capture the night. All of those dreams placed inside you. And asking… when? When will you bring us to life?
But I am just who I am. I’ll accept all that comes my way as meant to be before it even started its march. And I will do my best. I’ll give all I can. And at times, I’ll remember me. That this is my only life and it’s ok to let the weight go every now and then. That it’s happening for me. Not to me.
Grace. It’s beautiful word. Phonetically and literally. To bestow peace. To grant forgiveness, compassion and love as an enveloping warm blanket. To look your own spirit in the eye and know it accepts you. To marvel at how wondrous life is. To rest in knowing that it’s just as glorious on its darkest days, as it is on it’s brightest.
At times it’s hard, to express yourself in talk.. I find that writing lends a means of delivering uninfluenced thought through capturing it on a page.
In writing, it’s just you. Your thoughts. Your heart. I thank God every night for everyone who has come into my life. That those I haven’t spoken to at times for days.. in others for years.. the distance is never lessened. From the realtor 10 years ago who gave my 3 year old a candy bar from the vending machine,.. to the friends that are here and gone,.. to the first time I put a helmet on my son,.. to the warm new faces in my life now helping me write the next chapter of my life… thankful, is just not enough. Indebted forever puts it in view. Things don’t happen to you. They happen for you.
I, am a blessed woman.